'tis the Lord's

sorryyyyyyyyyyy people... please scoot over to the new blog by clicking the image. blogger really has been troublesome. plus wordpress has some cool features (coolest thing is can import ALL the blogposts, categories, and comments, hehe). time to update your links!

goodbye blogger!

Labels: just an update

Take not, O Lord, our literal sense. Lord, in thy great
Unbroken speech our limping metaphor translate."
- Footnote to All Prayers, C.S.Lewis

Labels: from my readings

John 21: 20-22
Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, "Lord, who is going to betray you?")

When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?"

Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

Labels: my meditations and such

Labels: beanies

i crave for chocolates any time of the day. without nuts and raisins and anything that taints the beauty of pure bittersweet chocolate :D here's to jawad who so kindly bought these from manchester! =) i think i've a habit of posting food pictures. heheh. which reminds me of this (below) that guna kor bought from melbourne. sometimes it just touches me so much that they'd think of me in a land faraway. like, who am i anyway? here's to guna kor too =)

Labels: heart-warmer

natz, you do know i can sue you for libel, no? =P

anyways. here's the tag:

"People who are tagged should write a blogpost of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog."

1. I love mathematics a lot, and often enjoyed doing all my homeworks back in secondary school (I don't have mathematics subject anymore in college!) but contrary to my love for maths, I hated and still hate science. Weird because most people who like maths enjoy science as well. I hated science since Standard Five, when I got promoted from Standard Three. I always got really depressed and moody whenever I got lower than 95 marks for maths last time. Problematic teen, you could say.

2. I like to interpret people's words weirdly, literally and out of context. For example, a friend once said, "OH MY GOODNESS!" and I instantly replied, "Why? What happened to your goodness?"

3. When I'm sad, I like to write and it's not so much about the feelings being poured out but more like watching ink flow and seeing sentences form. As C.S. Lewis said, “Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago.” I like also to re-read my journals, and reflect on how good God has been to have seen me through that moment of sorrow.

4. I've told many people about this, but not many seem to believe it. I'm quite a private person despite my talkative and noisy nature. I just do not feel like talking sometimes, but I do because I want to keep the communication going, and letting the new people know they're paid attention to. Wait, I don't really know what I'm saying. Yup, me a melancholic.

5. I cannot stand to being physically close with guys (I know I don't have to anyway, just telling!) unless they're close friends (people like rowen and edwin are okay because I don't treat them like guys anyways oooops don't tell them) or housemates that I always hang out with. I mean, even just sitting next to each other. I feel extremely uncomfortable. In church, because our assembly is quite a small group, I usually have the luxury of occupying the whole row by myself, a whole row of four chairs. i usually sit on one and place my bag on the other. I'll feel pretty uncomfortable when a male X would sit a seat away from me instead of two seats away (see image below for illustration). Yeah I know it's weird, that's why it's here right? I know over there in KGC, you guys don't have the luxury like mine, you guys put your bags on the floor or something right? heheh.



6. I need music to study. Without it, I couldn't concentrate and I'll get very distracted. Music keeps me focussed not to mention awake and I will remember things better. Of course, I could do without it, but it will be more effective with music. A revision without music would be pointless because I cannot remember what I've learnt and I'll doze off almost instantly.

Done! Perhaps, I'm not so weird afterall.

I tag:
Amanda, Ju Ee, Jee Yee, Alwyn, Thilaga, and Michelle.

Labels: more about me, tags

taking a break from dedication-posts, here's some pics from our dinner on monday. the second pic is our yum-seng (toast) attempt, it was so much fun and we were SO loud, everyone on the street stopped and looked at us.

Labels: college

this is about tan jee yee. jeeyee's 20 (my batch) and is from kajang too. hence we'll somehow always talk about kajang, the people we know (he knows chinliang, teckchoon - they were classmates in high school, suetnie, etc), and we ramble from movies to random talks about his drawings. he's a movie freak, he watches almost every other movie and i think he sorta studies them. heheh. he gives you very in-depth comment of a movie, of the director, cinematography, and everything if you allow him the time. he reads A LOT. he's a huge fan of neil gaiman. he's an excellent photographer of djr 2, he takes such great photos that my jaw dropped when he presented his photo essay in our photojournalism presentation. of course, it wasn't photojournalism-ish, more like poetic, but the impact was nevertheless, real strong and awesome.

jee's this really laidback (and lazy) and caring guy who'd travel all the way from kajang to setapak everyday for classes. i don't have such energy as his! hehe.

he's a very helpful guy who'd always carry my luggage for me whenever we happen to travel back to kajang together on fridays when we our classes end.

he writes really well, no joke, check out his writing blog. and his short story Madea for our creative writing assignment earned him the highest mark in class.

the sweetest thing about jee is that he'll always get you something when he goes somewhere. the picture on the right is what he's gotten us before.. one's from his trip to bangkok, another two for my birthday and i misplaced the one you bought from langkawi =( sorry jee!

i'll still see you around in utar, though we'd be in different courses now. thanks for always listening to my rants and rambles online, and for just being you. i'll feed the blog readers with some of the drawings you drew using the mouse on MSN Messnger as a response to me while chatting on MSN so they'd know how talented you are! ;)


Stop saying you're fat! You're insulting me! - Tan Jee Yee

Labels: college, when friends are forever, when the heart aches

when i got farah's text last wednesday night, saying, "i realised that when i go back to college next sem i'm not gonna see your face again" (she's returning to college to do her advanced diploma). ouch, that hurt. yes, separation is something each of us go through at some point of our lives, but it takes time to recover. i'd say it's harder for me to part with them than my secondary school friends, because i spend more time with them, doing more things together with them, since i stay near the campus on weekdays. farah continued, "2 years was fast. i'm going to miss you. i'm sorry if i've hurt your feelings. always know that i'm here for you, you're like my lil sis."

i'm going to have many many posts ahead, dedicating them to the closer ones to me in my class. and many pics too. skip them if it's too boring! =) just so you would know how much you matter to me, DJR 2!

here's the first - for farah marshita abdul patah. that's farah and me in the photo on the left.

farah's 23 and is four years my senior. she did her A-levels in HELP before she joined us. when i first met farah on the first day of orientation, honestly speaking i thought she was this real snobbish girl who seems all-too-confident. she instantly volunteered to be the Printing Manager of the class whose job is to photocopy our notes for us and distribute them to us. she was always stuck closely with lydia, thilaga, diane, sheetal and michelle in the first semester and i often labelled them in my mind as the "smart and intelligent ones whose english is bombastic". little did i know she thought my clique (amanda, waiyee, juee, geeta) and i was "snobbish and smart" too.

i couldn't remember how we started getting closer to each other, but i do remember vividly that we were always sitting together in mr. teh's IT lecture during the first semester in may 2005 and i was always correcting his "more better" and farah would scold me and say, "you forever with your more better!".

farah is this hardworking, intelligent, and shall i say fierce girl. she's always asking everyone to shut up in class so that she can concentrate. she stares at you when you ask for notes from her the next day, instead of being present the day before when she rightfully gave the notes out. she'd just shout, "who ask you never come?!"

but beneath that oh-so-garang nature, she's always caring in her own silent and quiet way. she'll always giggle and laugh with lydia and talk about something, then when i asked what it was, they'd hush me n say, "you're under-aged, cannot listen!" i always joked of her lack of knowledge of malay-related stuffs, like she didn't know anything about mat jenin (stopdenyingiknowyouonlyknewafteritoldyou).

she's not someone who's able to express her love and care verbally, hence i noticed she'd rather shower you with gifts (most noticeably food!) to show her love. i remember that on my 17th birthday, 4 months after being in college, she made amanda and myself chocolate cupcakes. it was so so yummy. so sweet of her. she had to carry them all the way from kepong.

then there are countless times i needed to go to pasar seni to get something and she'd accompany me there with geeta and sometimes ju ee. she always made herself looking like the big sister and i had to convince her that i'm old enough to take care of myself. she'll always say, "if you hilang what am i gonna tell your mother?!" i cannot forget the yee mee and kongfu chao in kotaraya foodcourt! man, i wonder if it's still there. she'd buy me cute yellow stuffs cos she knows i like them. she's also a perfectionist. she strives to ace her exams but likes to annoy me constantly with words like, "i'm gonna fail lahhhh!", "i'm so dumbbbb!". yeah right. says she who rarely gets Cs, and always As. she's also a very bold and outspoken person, hence landing her the nickname "US Veto Power" in class. amanda was UK veto power. heheh. then there's those times we went to the kepong waterfall, which i tell you is soooooooooo far from her house. somemore she told us it was really near. i remember we walked for approximately 1 hour to reach there. but we had fun nevertheless ;) also, the raya visit in 2005, where ju and i had tasted her fried chicken wings for the first time! it was so yummy. then there's our photojournalism midnight adventures across the streets of chowkit, etc all the way till 3AM with michelle and farah's dad driving.

of course, the raya visit last year, more of us - michelle, waiyee, ju, myself, geeta and amanda. we had oh-so-much food. my fav fried chicken wings, pasta, some nice kuihs, and she after that proceeded to order delivery from mcd! -__- we all had humungous amounts of french fries, coke, and chocolate sundaes. ah, i miss those times.

she's one for texting people with exclamation marks and caps, as if in authority. if she's asking me a question, the SMS would read like this, "SAYANG! WHEN IS THE TIMETABLE OUT!" or "SAYANG! ARE YOU IN CANTEEN! CAN GET ME A DIGI RELOAD!". and i'm her one-stop-for-college-information. she'll ask me where's the class, when's semester starting, when's holidays, when's assignment deadline, when's exams, what's the lecturer's full name, and more.

her dad is also a very nice and outgoing person. they drove all the way from kepong to kajang one fine night during our last semester break and had dinner with me here. her dad knows the way because i think he was involved with the building of my taman. her dad knows the way because i think he was involved with the building of my taman. he knows like, absolutely everything! and i still remember her remark of kajang, being the typical kl girl that she is, "this is kajang ar? that's so sad!"

the picture on the right is what farah has given me before.. there's many more, but all digested already in my stomach. haha.

i'm going to miss you so much girl.

BM kau memang bodoh! - Farah Marshita

Labels: college, when friends are forever, when the heart aches

i'm done with diploma. not graduated as yet, depending on whether i could pass my final semester exams which i've just finished. i hope i could pass it, as my lecturer told me that many people failed, and there were even people who got marks like one digit over hundred! i got back yesterday and packed my whole room in setapak back. my mum's proton wira was filled to the brim - i asked her not to bring anyone along with her because i had many many stuffs. now my room's in a mess. i need to start unpacking things and tidying my room. i need a new bookshelf! too many books already. i miss my classmates and housemates very much. we had a class farewell dinner at petaling street last monday night after our last paper at 4PM. pictures and messages to my classmates will be blogged 'soon as i finished unpacking (which would be tomorrow i bet!).

oh, and i've found a place to stay in SS2 for my studies in UTAR PJ. so thankful irene was there to help! she'll be my new housemate! =)

oh, back to the title. my mum was asking me how did i get to know irene and also alex. my mum's zero at the internet and technology, so i just told her that i bumped into their "websites" (instead of blog, in case she doesn't understand). and i told her that these websites are where people jot down happenings in their lives, their thoughts and musings about absolutely everything.

she then replied, "you mean bu luo ke is it?" (blog in mandarin)
"HUH? you know what's a blog?"
"of course lah! i got read newspaper wan lah!" (mum's chinese-ed)

i was shocked beyond words, and told her i'd bu luo ke about it *grin*

man, i never knew my mum knew so many things. hahaha.

back to unpacking!

Labels: college, just an update, when you and i need some humour, within the family

i came home greeted by a chocolate from peiyee, which according to her, was to congratulate me completing my diploma. i was like, huh? complete diploma also got gift? okayyy. but then, she continued, "see i'm so nice to you. make sure you do the same when it's my turn to graduate". patut lah.

anyway, to clear confusions, i still have one more paper to go. it's on monday: malaysia cultural and religious practices. it's a very interesting subject cos we compare other countries' culture especially america's. and we deal with terms like individualism, collectivism and all the -isms. haha. in this sem, there's so many -isms to be learnt. in IR, we learnt many -isms like "neoliberalism, neocolonialism, capitalism, communism" etc. haha.

*****

few of us - waiyee, jeeyee, ju, isaac, diane and myself had lunch with miss simone, our intro to drama lecturer in second sem last wednesday. she's migrating to australia next week with her family, and we're going to miss her. she's still as sweet and warm! =) we lunch-ed at kfc alpha angle, and i ate zinger burger for the first time (without salad of course!). the cashier went blank and stared at me when i said i didn't want the salad.

been a tiring and sleepy week (rain everyday, best weather to sleep!). one more day in college. =/ would be staying back at my house there till friday.

Labels: college, just an update

what a week it's been! so many has happened, with two papers down and one more to go. i'm sure some of you would have already heard about the attempted-rape case of my college student by the security guard (it's an external guard, not the in-house ones). it's really sad, and i really pray that the girl would recover soon. if just a snatch thief case could put me in a trauma, i could not imagine how the girl would have felt. i feel so sorry. some more the place where she nearly got raped was near the gate i use to enter the college (it was the nearest gate to my house).

mum texted me as early as 9AM in the morning right after she read the papers yesterday. mothers. she was like, "luckily you only have one more week there."

got interviewed by a sinchew daily journalist this afternoon at the college entrance when waiyee and i were heading to the stationary shop. she asked me questions like, wouldn't i feel disappointed that a college which was supposed to be an institution offering me education, is now a dangerous place to be? she also asked if we'd recommend our younger siblings or friends to study in tar college in the future.

i told her that tarc being a dangerous place is just a state of mind. there are many other places like SS2 which are famous for snatch thieves cases too but we don't stop eating there anyway. i was sure that rape cases happen in other colleges too, it's just that ours was getting more coverage in the media.

she then continued and said if it was her, she'd think twice before recommending friends to study in tar college. i replied that crime always starts somewhere. what makes her think that other colleges which were deemed safer will never have its start?

i personally feel that the college cannot be blamed entirely. how much could it care anyway for the thousands of students? personal safety is each individual's own responsibility. we're not kids anymore, we are old enough to take care of ourselves. safety precautions has got to be taken. speaking from my personal experience, i shouldn't have walked alone to college in such dark conditions and early hours (of course, the Lord must have allowed it for a reason also!).

*****

crimes aside, thank you to all who prayed for my monday's paper - Malaysia and International Relations (IR). it was very tough, everyone's facial expression when they saw the questions was priceless. but just had to scribble something also lah. there were only three questions, 30 marks, 35 marks and 35 marks. if you don't know how to answer any, chances of passing is already dim because you rarely would get past 18/35 even if you sorta understand the question, what more if you don't know?! there's a 30% failure rate for this paper, and if failed, i must be retained to resit in september. hence, cannot continue my degree in june but january instead. but i did my best and am leaving it to Him!

the IR questions are: (just so you know my response when i looked at it is the same like yours now)

Question 1
"The scarcity of resources has been the main cause for most of the International Conflicts." How far do you agree with the statement? Provide relevant examples or case studies. (30 marks)

Question 2
"The state's narrow conception of sovereignty has led the United Nations to its shortcomings as an effective crisis manager." Do you agree with the statement? Your answer must be supported by relevant examples or case studies.

Question 3
Power can be measured in different ways. Do you agree that power is always vital in the Malaysian Foreign Policy? Provide relevant examples or case studies to support your answer.

*****

After monday's paper, i was sorta feeling like i've merdeka-ed (achieved independence)! cos that was the killer paper and the other two aren't that bad, it was not very difficult to study. in fact, for friday's paper i.e. today's, there isn't anything to study except knowing your novels because 80 marks is based on a short story you'd write on the spot and 20 marks is based on the two novels we studied. little did i know the short story would be so difficult to write -___-

The Question:

"A cockroach has more of a backbone than you!"
"Ha! Cockroaches don't have backbones, you ignorant lout!"

Based on the opening dialogue above, create two main characters with the following characteristics:

Character 1 wants financial security and is paranoid about losing his/her job.
Character 2 has a phobia about ageing and is obsessed with anti-ageing products.

Both characters work in the same company and are on an airplane.

Using all the details given, resolve the conflict. Your story should not exceed 1, 000 words or 4 pages.

it took me about twenty-long minutes to figure out how to connect all these un-connectable informations together! ms tan, if you're reading this... your paper is such a killer! -__- well, apt to its name, CREATIVE WRITING.

Labels: college, just an update

i only knew about the virginia tech massacre when i came home for the weekend and schemed through the papers of the week. many people are talking about it, and i've heard many people saying that they symphatise with cho seung-hui because he was described as a "loner" and was rumoured to have been molested. many people hate him and yet there are many who say that they feel very bad for him and that things could have been avoided had someone taken the initiative to care for him and let him feel loved.

hypocritical, i'd say.

let's be honest - in every person's life, there is bound to be at least one person who is a loner, neglected and rejected. this is the someone you label "weirdo", and is unpopular to befriend. any one of these people, could be the next cho seung-hui. and now here we are putting the "i'm-going-to-be-nice-and-symphatise-him" masks (yes i know some are honestly symphatising him) and telling each other that something could have been done to prevent the massacre to happen.

sounds pretty good.

i'd say, first, go home and think of the people around you who are rejected by the general public or by your clique. love them and care them as your own, not for fear that they'd cause another massive killing, but to live up to your words.

we're so quick to judge but we never bothered to stop and look at ourselves.

there is always so much talks after incidents like this happen but no one is going to make efforts to avoid it.

we're capable of so much more, and it's a waste of time to just make it all-talk.

care for the people around you. love them. don't make it all-talk but no actions.

Labels: musings

two more weeks with them. diane's post made me teary. truly, i've gotten so used to this bunch of people, in fact, i've even mentioned of enjoying college, that i don't know how it's going to be like to not live in setapak.

the first picture was taken on the last day of class, which was yesterday, after our final Malaysia and International Relations presentation.

from the left at the front row: diane, wenhui, jeeyee, and amanda.

back row: juee, myself, farah, geeta, michelle, fanny, and waiyee.

the next picture was taken during the first semester. notice how young they looked like then! *laughs* spot the difference! yes i noticed michelle n amanda's hair are different already.. in fact many of them are!

the last picture is taken with our journalism lecturer, pn ana during our last class with her in our fourth semester in september.

crossroads. would we see each other again?

Labels: college, when friends are forever, when i reminisce

we found out only yesterday that our finals officially commence this saturday onwards and we still have classes up till tomorrow, and i have a final presentation tomorrow, a written assignment to hand in on saturday. and our first paper (which happens to be the killer paper as well) is this coming monday =/

yesterday i was scrambling (huh?) hard to try and finish doing my visual aids for my presentation. it's actually a forum-type discussion we'd have every week and every group has to present once. my group is due the last week of the semester (i.e. this week lah). my topic tomorrow is "The character of the post-cold war era which has begun in the 1990s is war-prone". i'm suppose to agree with the topic. took me gazillion days to try to understand the topic. cos my lecturer is quite strict about the way we present our points and structure them.

my finals's dates are on 23rd April, 27th April and 30th April. Which means i will merdeka a week earlier than i thought. can't believe we're leaving in less than two weeks. i'm so going to miss my classmates, cf friends and housemates. my classmates and i are planning to compile our short stories together and bind them as a book for memories's sake.

if you haven't already realised, i've been putting all my " 's " after the plurals instead of " memories' " cos our lecturer taught us last week it is wrong to do the latter. only exceptional cases when the name ends with the "iz" sound like "Moses", "Jesus" that we can put " Jesus' ". cool huh? (there are many other exceptional cases as well and we had fun learning about punctuation the last week!)

at the same time, i'm looking forward to a mini retreat ji aun, rowen and myself are planning to organise. i want to go ipoh! haha. ji aun is going to kill me since that's his hometown.

there are this bunch of mandarin-speaking chinese children in Teens's who have not been very active in participating in the classes and games. they are very restless and they run everywhere. there are two very young ones, aged seven. uncle has asked me to do something with them from this week onwards instead of letting them roam freely. might do colouring or origami. do pray for wisdom to decide what to do with them. (okay, johnwei just text me as i'm typing this letting me know he's gonna be in ipoh this sat. i'm now supposed to do something with the older chinese children ranging from 12 years-old big boys to 7 year-olds colouring-children. *thinks reeeeal hard*) any suggestions?

and i have absolutely no idea why everyone seemed to think that i'm a very creative person, hence unclejeffrey's putting me into publicity for the family camp committee. stress la to design. haha. i hope i won't let him down with the ugly designs i make. i actually can't wait for family camp but it's so far away in august. need a rest! haha. ironically, i am enjoying the workload and rushing i am having. i know by now you'd be like, "what does this girl really wants? get a life la," haha. i'm the irony of ironies.

oh, yeewen is returning from sabah today! =)

gotta get back to post-cold war era-mode =) have a good day everyone!

Labels: college, just an update, the teens

sometimes, i wished things could be simpler. but there are times that i wished things would be surprising and change is welcomed. sometimes, i wished for all the wrong things and He never gives them to me, and i'm so thankful He didn't.

sometimes, what we perceive as 'truth' can be deceitful. sometimes too, we think we are more powerful than we really are. we think that we can do many things, often giving glory to the Lord, when at the end of the day we really want to say that it is because of our own efforts we managed it. hypocrisy at its worst.

sometimes, we preach of how we shouldn't live lives like the Pharisees but we forget how Pharisaic a life we're living. sometimes, we don't like people asking questions we do not know the answer. we claim that if everyone who lived in centuries past have lived that way without a doubt, it is okay. but we forget that it is through asking questions that we become more convinced of what we believe in, it is through questioning we grow. you may not agree, but that's just my opinion.

Labels: His assurance and comfort, when the heart aches

Labels: from my readings

I like this song. It's so perfectly honest and it struck the familiar chord of a parent's prayer rendered for a child suffering from deadly disease. The chorus of "He's My Son" embodies the essence of a Christian parent's prayer for a sick child. Faith provides the knowledge that God hears it, but human frailty always casts a small shadow of doubt. (from connectionmagazine.org)

Heard it over the Christian radion station, K-Love.

Labels: poems and hymns and the like, when the heart aches

it is very apt to post this favourite poem of mine up =)

It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of GOD's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
The flower God opens so sweetly,
In my hands would fade and die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of GOD's design,
Then how can I think I have wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?

So I'll trust in Him for His leading
Each moment of every day.
I will look to Him for His guidance
Each step of the pilgrim way.

The pathway that lies before me,
My heavenly Father knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

Labels: poems and hymns and the like

THIS is proof that God listens to our prayers =) it's not that i haven't been believing that He does, it's just that it dawned so much more real now. the verse at the end shows that He doesn't just listen, He listens attentively to us. what a great love He has showered on us! who are we to have God listen attentively to us? i don't know why but i have been very convinced that i would be able to get my bag back. everyone tells me it is seemingly impossible. of course God could have chosen to not give it back to me, He is wise in His decisions. but i'm so thankful He did, because it means a lot to me. i now knew why i was so convinced that i'd somehow get my stuffs back. =)

so the story goes, a shop owner in sentul found a plastic bag with my wallet and my novel inside at her shop. she thought it belonged to her customer, so she waited for someone to come and take it. but when no one did, she opened it and saw my Identity Card inside. the best thing is that she stays in kajang (where i live) too =) but now how on earth is she going to contact me? no one puts their phone numbers inside their own wallet right? but God saw through all these =) my eldest sister's businesscard was inside my wallet, and she probably saw that both our surnames are the same so she called my sister up.

and we went to their house which happens to be near guna kor's house to get my stuffs. though i wished i had gotten my notes back, i'm thankful i didn't have to go through the hassle to make a new IC and student ID (halfway through and paid rm20! hehe nevermind!). and at first we thought the people who found the stuffs could be the thiefs who are making up stories, so we were a little afraid to go ourselves without a man. so asked guna kor and soo aun kor but guna kor was around so he drove us there. really thankful =)

and i happened to notice that the guy (the shop owner's children were there) who returned my wallet to me was that guy from SAAS school in my tuition last time. peiyee said she thinks they are christians.

i text yeeloon and yeeping immediately after and yeeloon's reply struck cords:

wow, God's timing is great... when you surrender, He works things out for you.. I was so bad to think that it's impossible for you to get back your bag but I prayed anyway. I was doubting but it is your prayer that God answered. Don't know what to say anymore...

Dearest Ling,
Nothing comes to us without our Heavenly Father's knowledge or permission, and even out of seeming evil, God works for good. We are just so very thankful that you are still with us! We recall the other cases of TARC students being slashed to death and we rejoice that it is material things (even though they are important) only that you have lost.

Uncle & Auntie

Labels: heart-warmer, His assurance and comfort

most of you would have already known about my being robbed yesterday morning by two guys on a bike with parang. no worries, i'm still in one piece, i just lost my backpack which contained my VERY VERY PRECIOUS college notes (which i took down religiously in every lecture), my beloved novel, rm250, 2 pendrives, an mp3 player, my latest newsweek magazine, my super cute bunny pencilbox (which has all my favourite stationaries in it!) given by peiyee for my birthday, my cutey dumb bottle (sumei jie says it's for dumb people only [go figure why] hence the name], my umbrella, my keys, geeta's dailybread, a letter for ms neoh, siawchek jie's bday card, some pocket tissues and that's all i guess. yup i bring loads of stuff to college.

i was walking to class alone yesterday morning about 10 metres away from my house at about 7.40AM, and it's perfectly alright, because that was what i did since the past two years in college. then while walking, these two guys on the bike passed me by, made a U-turn, and one of them came down and asked me to give them my bag. i guess he was too nervous that he didn't ask for my phone, which was in my pocket. i'm thankful he didn't! if not it would have been a torture to gain back my contacts. i was quite hesitant to give him my bag, i was contemplating if i should ask him to just take my valuables and give me back my notes, but when he saw my hesitance, he threatened to parang me so i just gave in. the whole thing happened in less than 30 seconds. while i regret that my notes are lost (i went round searching for my backpack! it's a black reebok by the way), i'm glad that God kept me safe. and i know that He has allowed it for a reason. and i know that as guna kor told me, He has allowed me to go through it because He knew i could handle it. i couldnt start counting how much i have gained from this incident, but He has indeed been really good. i'm thankful for mum who came at 2pm yesterday and rowen and wengkeet who brought me to the sentul police station yesterday. and wengkeet bought me cornetto royale triple choc icecream! ^^

thanks so much for all who texted and called me =) appreciate it lots. christine even called all the way from johor after auntie pohpoh text her right after prayer meet ended. thx chris =) and i need to say this once and for all that i'm OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! haha. like it's so unbelieveable. but i'm still a bit traumatised whenever motorists draw near me. my housemate walks me to college now. i'll be careful, so don't worry. =)

now i just gotta make a new IC on monday and pay rm20 for new student ID (which was a lot of hassle to do!).

Labels: heart-warmer, His assurance and comfort

am reading tun dr. mahathir's Achieving True Globalisation for my assignment but got hooked reading the book and it was interesting to note what he says about christianity today.

photo on the left taken from http://www.worldpress.org/

There are some people who say that in a Muslim society, the family network is maintained very strongly. In the West, on the other hand, the nuclear family is prevailing. They also hint that a big family is an obstacle to development. This is a false perception. It is not related to religion. Christian teaching also emphasises family. But people tend to get away from religion in order to develop a new type of society, which has more ideological input than religious input.

The emphasis on freedom is now very strong, as is the emphasis on the equality. Because of this there is a tendency to reduce the connections between distant members of families. However, this development is slower in the Muslim world than in the Christian world. But it is still moving in the same direction. In some Muslim societies, they already have the problem of family breakups. This, of course, is not because of religious teaching.

I would not equate it to religious differences. It is just that Christian society has moved away from the values of Christianity. Although they may be Christian, they are nominal Christians; they do not pray, and they reject Christian values, including marriage. Nowadays, many of them do not get married. If they want to live together, they live together. After they have a baby, they occassionally decide to get married, which is meaningless. [1]

Much faith has disappeared in the Christian world. They no longer believe; they even desecrate their churches, their places or worship. Because they say, "well why should I believe? If I eat, then I will live. What has it got to do with God?" So they do not thank God for their existence. They say it is Nature. [2]

[1] Mahathir Mohamad, Achieving True Globalisation, (Malaysia: Pelanduk Publications, 2004), p. 102
[2] Mahathir Mohamad, Achieving True Globalisation, (Malaysia: Pelanduk Publications, 2004), p. 31

Labels: from my readings, musings

sorry for lack of updates last week, i was caught up last weekend trying to meet two major deadlines apart from the usual daily deadlines. this week is no different, i have another two major deadlines aside from the daily ones as well. appreciate prayers for strength, but apart from that, i'm enjoying every bit of this last semester! i love all the subjects we have this semester cos it encourages critical and creative thinking both for all the subjects. i used to know zero about the iran and north korea nuclear programmes, the United Nations, etc and i'm glad that i got to learn so many new things this semester. i also love my lecturers this semester who are so experienced and knowledgeable! i just cannot imagine now, going home one day and have nothing to do at all. i need to be doing things to keep myself thinking. when i have less things to do, i tend to be more idle.

i mentioned in my previous post 2 weeks ago that i managed to get in touch with the S'kali producer who promised to give me a copy of the S'kali DVD. i met up with him last tuesday (20/3/07) and he's such a nice guy! he bought both waiyee and myself a drink and talked so much about movie-making. i could see he was so excited and passionate when he talked about it. i was so shocked when i saw bahir, because i had expected to see a man dressed in shirt and coat, but he turned out in a Bermuda pants, baggy-and-huge t-shirt with earphones hanging around. i think he's probably just 23-25 years-old. the director of s'kali is only 24. =) i'm so thankful for the kind people the Lord has placed in my life!


oh, and last tuesday (27/3/07) i went to menara star to get my published article from r.age and i have included a photo of the printed article on the left. click it to get a clearer view. i think this monday our discussion title is about the middle-east relations, which would be interesting. and on thursday the title of our weekly forum is "international conflict is intrinsically inevitable". haha.

i'm very passionate about my short story, and it's at 2,000 words now. supposed to be till 2,500 words only. i'm so glad for sooaun kor who helped me with the dramatic plot and ending! ;) probably post it up here when it's done. peiyee said it was very boring. =( but suetnie was very excited about it! diane said she feels disturbed reading my short story. =/

i gotta run and finish my tun dr mahathir assignment.. we're supposed to discuss malaysia's achievement among third world countries under his leadership.. and a novel analysis on The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.

the picture above could pretty much sum up my whole 2 weeks. (clockwise from left: my short story draft, mahathir's Achieving True Globalisation, april 2nd's newsweek magazine, s'kali leaflet, and the r.age copy my article was in.)

p/s: i love the latest newsweek cover! =)

Labels: being published, college, just an update, meeting people

Last Thursday, 22^nd March 2007, marked the fourth year I came to know the Lord.

It feels like just yesterday, yet so much has happened. Many questions came to mind: Have I grown in the Lord? Have I done what I ought to as a four-years-old Christian? Have I glorified Him by the life I live in the past four years? Have I failed Him? Am I far from where a four-years-old Christian should be? Have I lost my first love for Him? Have I been unfaithful to my faithful Lord? Will I continue to be faithful to Him in years to come?

I thought I’d share of how I came to know the Lord, and some pieces of my life in these four years, and you could skip this if you think I might be brainwashing you (for non-christians) =)

I’ve written my testimony before in a YP Camp booklet, but that was a short version. Let me give you the longer version =)

I was always a doubter. I need to know the exact answers and reasons to everything. My mum gets annoyed sometimes when I always asked her why to everything that’s happening around us. I’d ask her how could the radio fit the Backstreet Boys in it and let them stay inside there and sing for 3 minutes? I’d ask her how they’d get in and come out. I didn’t get an answer of course. I wondered why do the people in the dramas we watch on TV allow their actions and personal lives to be recorded. The idea of acting and drama was far from comprehension. Because of this, each time I bathe and change my clothes, I was always afraid that someone would be ‘recording’ my actions and put it on TV the way other people’s got recorded in the drama. All these happened when I was about seven up till I was ten.

One of the questions I have always pondered since I was seven was who is this Buddha that mum prayed to. If he was really so powerful (that was why mum was praying to him, right?), he didn’t have to get stuck in my house. he could have done so much more. Why is he limited to a statue? I don’t know, and I didn’t dare ask. Mum makes us go through the rituals there and then, and we’d have to burn the joss sticks everyday. I didn’t like it honestly, but I did it anyway to please my mum. I didn’t like the idea of doing something for the sake of doing and not knowing what it meant. I needed to know why I was doing this and why I should be doing it.

When I was seven, I wondered where I would be when I die. I’m serious, at seven. I didn’t live a very happy childhood, my parents got divorced when I was seven. I was always very depressed and moody when I’m alone. As the natural doubter that I was and am, I wanted to know why dad left us. I wanted to know why everyone else had a happy family except me. I hated my father. Mum told me that we’d be reincarnated after we die to either a human, animal or to be a goddess/god depending on our good deeds. I didn’t think it was very believeable, but I didn’t dare say anything. I wondered why there were so many gods in her religion (not mine, since I didn’t believe it) if God alone is divine and powerful. Do they share powers? Do they have limited powers? I don’t know.

I had a bitter childhood. I always thought my siblings were cruel to me, and that I was all-alone. I was empty, even at a tender age of seven up till twelve. I cried myself to sleep many nights. I was so empty that I was prepared to die everyday. At seven, I know that life is uncertain and people die everyday. I always prepared myself for death, and every other night before I go to bed, I’d tell myself that in my will I would give my brother my collection of stickers, give my cool pens to my sister, and more. Silly, I know, but that was how I prepared myself to die anytime.

Despite my constant doubts about my mother’s religion, I never knew anything about Christianity anyway. All I knew about it was the fliers ...

Read more at the Young Adults' blog.

Labels: my meditations and such, testimonies

sometimes, time flies without us realising it. in a blink of an eye, he's left us for a year already. incidentally, i realised jasmine, anna and myself put "life is beautiful" on our MSN Messenger nicknames and personal messages.

here's to remind myself of him, a friend i never spent enough time with. a friend who taught me about life, a friend who was always on the look out for me, a friend whom i never saw frowning. a friend whom i also know i'd meet in heaven. a friend whom i still tear at the thought of. somehow the song on my blog just make it easier to tear as i read anna and jasmine's blogposts about shawn.

miss you shawnie.

life is beautiful, indeed. - Shawn Yap Swee Kee (15 September 1987 - 25th March 2006)

Labels: in memory of shawn yap

got this from keatlim kor's blog. haha.

just a short update, before i get back to work. the week's been hectic, as compared to the last semester. last semester, we have many major long-term assignments, like, many assignments but they all are to be handed-in at the end of the semester. but this semester, we don't have many of those, instead, we have a weekly-deadlines thing, hence more hectic. but nevertheless i'm actually enjoying every bit of it, just need a bit more sleep! ;) i don't have night classes this semester like the previous, but most of my classes starts at 8AM and ends about 2PM if not 4PM. then there's loads of readings to be done. what am i talking about here?! haha. i wonder if i made any sense to you.

here's a typical week for me now not including the major assignments that needs to be handed in in the weeks to come. every monday, i have to be prepared for a tutorial discussion for my subject Malaysia and International Relations. our last monday's topic, Malaysia Relations in a Post-Mahathir Era went on quite interesting! enjoyed it. tomorrow we're supposed to be discussing about the Darfur crisis and how the international community is helping solve the problem there. i must say i haven't had a single idea about it, hence the nervousness now. sorta browsed through some sites and figured i've quite a lot to read tonight!

every wednesday, i'd have to pass up my short story draft with extra progress and also must be corrected after our short story workshop (in a tutorial) every fridays. like i mentioned in the previous post, we'd have to zerox 14 copies for our classmates too and they'd comment on your drafts and return it to you. last friday, we had our first workshop and i enjoyed it too. it was fun, to see how i thought my story was okay, but they've so much to say, and vice versa. and JE wrote a whole page of comments on the back of my draft -___- also, every wednesdays we'd have to read 5-6 chapters of one of the novels we are studying (namely Midnight In The Garden of Good and Evil and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time) and have a novel critique during our subject Creative Writing tutorial. quite a fun discussion too!

every thursday, we must prepare for another Malaysia and International Relations discussion. because this is a short sem, every subject's lectures and tutorials are doubled up (long sems are 14 weeks, short sems are 7 weeks). so we have two tutorials and two lectures weekly for every subject. anyways! for the thursday's discussion, we are to divide ourselves in a group of six and discuss in a forum-like discussion the topic given. i think this week's discussion is International Relations Will Always Transform Into International Anarchy. three persons have to agree and the other three disagree. marks will be given individually. and just because my group is due to present in week 7 doesn't mean i can escape every week's discussion. she (my lecturer) said that those who are not presenting on that particular week are required to be prepared also with questions to ask the presenters. and the scariest part is this: she would randomly pick a chairperson to chair the discussion on thursday itself, and she would not tell you in advance. the chairperson has to facilitate the discussion and listen carefully, and at the end of the discussion, draw the conclusion. i don't know about you, but i think that the chairperson work is more pressuring than the presenters or audience. hehehe. nevertheless, i know i will enjoy it when it comes.

every friday, i would need to complete commenting and 'marking' my friends' short story drafts already. but i find this quite an interesting task to do cos i never knew my friends could write so well! in fact, amanda's draft was left empty, i didn't know what to comment! there were no grammatical errors, nor do i know how to comment on her style.

last week (i.e. previous post) i mentioned that i was gonna use the movie S'kali for my Malaysia: Cultural and Religious Practices assignment (gotta analyse inter-culture movies). i also mentioned that i could not find the DVD or VCD. i really wanna thank and praise the Lord for providing me the way to get the DVD =) i emailed Davina, the main actress in the movie to see if there's anything she could do to get me the DVD. she channeled me to Bahir, the producer of S'kali and i called Bahir up. i tell you he's probably made my week by being so kind and nice to me! he's like so so sooooooo sweet =) he was very courteous and polite, and told me that he could give me his copy of the movie but they are sending copies to film festivals so i might have to return it once i'm done. he said he was going to come next week to college to pass me the DVD, and apologised and asked if it was too late as he was unsure of my deadline. i was like, ohmygoodness, you're taking the trouble to come all the way to college to do me this favour and why are you apologising?! haha. my deadline is the week after this coming week. so i guess i will have to do some crash course for the assignment =) i'm so glad for the kind people the Lord has placed in my path.

all in all, i'm enjoying all the very practical aspects of this semester where we can have dynamic discussions instead of just the boring, dead learning.

ohhh before i end, did i tell you i passed my fifth semester exams?! (last sem) i was sooooooooo glad i jokingly told geetz that i was going to bayar zakat! haha. i really, really had not expect to pass my Production & Publication paper and also Public Relations. it was so tough. seriously. which means the worst i can get now is 5Cs lah. i know that's bad also, but for people like me who are below-average students, i'm contented to pass that two toughest subjects. last semester i was upset at my 2As and 3Cs but i'm not gonna do that anymore. i did my best and i'm going to take in whatever He gives thankfully (though i secretly wished i would score A in my photojournalism paper! oops!).

i hope i can graduate from my diploma, because if i fail any paper this crucial semester, i would have to be retained for another semester to resit them. which means i'd have to wait till january to do my bachelor's degree. i'm honestly afraid, but i'm going to take things a day at a time, with Him by my side.

i just realised this update is not quite short. =P oh btw, just a short note to say HI! to keatlim kor! =) i just placed his freshikanmasin bloglink on my blogroll.

uh-oh, i haven't done szetoo's tag. wait ya, szetoo, next week maybe.

the only reason why the fonts are so kecik is because if i use the normal size i always do, the post would have to be divided into two cos it's too long =P and you can see i'm too lazy for that. if you're using mozilla firefox, you can read the words bigger by pressing Ctrl + + (the button +). if you want it smaller, Ctrl + -. now you know how i read JE's blog and waiyee's blog whose fonts are always so small.

oh, and the blog readership restriction thing, i will do it soon. haven't had time to get down to it yet. meanwhile to those who wants their emails on my allowed list, do leave your emails there =)

hope everyone's doing well. two more months to graduate and two more months to be with my college friends. we've been going out for meals quite a bit, treasuring every second together. the Lord keep!

Labels: college, just an update

these are the yummy chocolates from kansas a family friend bought us during CNY. i love it. haha. especially the bittersweet ones (i've always liked dark chocs only!). but peiyee abhor it, hehe cos some of it tastes weird... what to do, we all don't like honey caremel, raspberry, etc! hehe. looks yummy right? hehe.

college's been fun, though it is just the first week, we've been bogged down by many stuffs to do already. we have three subjects this semester, namely: Malaysia and International Relations (IR), Malaysia: Cultural & Religious Practices (MCR) and also Creative Writing (CW).

For IR, we have to prepare ourselves every week for two tutorial discussions. our lecturer said that if we were not prepared for the discussion, we could forget about going to class at all because if we're not talking, they are not going to. the first topic of discussion for this coming monday's is Malaysia Relations In A Post-Dr. Mahathir Era. sounds rather scary. haha. somemore one week got twice deeeeeeeeeeeep discussions like these! been reading lots of political science stuffs in the past week, malaysiakini, newspapers, newsweek, and so much more. we don't have textbooks but are sorta required to read all these to keep ourselves updated on the latest issues.

For MCR, we have to pick an inter-culture local movie and analyse it based on the questions given. me is picking s'kali, blogged about it before and loved that movie over sepet and gubra! but still looking for the dvd and vcd!

Lastly, for Creative Writing, i've said earlier we gotta read John Berendt's midnight in the garden of good and evil and also Mark Haddon's the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. every wednesday during our tutorials now, we gotta do a novel critique. whatever we feel strongly about the novels and we are given participation marks. and i thought JE and amanda faired really well in it today ;)

Also, we have to write a short story of 2500 words and hand in on week 7, but we gotta start doing it now and send in drafts to my lecturer every monday! and also zerox another 14 copies for my other classmates so that they can scribble comments on it and return it to you. and i'm to do the same with them, so i'd get 14 diff fictions every monday and giving out them as well! so paiseh lah let people read. haha.

so there's two things to do every monday apart from the pending assignments like the movie analysis - prepare for IR deeeeeep discussion and send in short story drafts. i hope i can manage my short story well! =/

had a belated birthday lunch for JE and Ju Ee last tuesday after class. then at night had dinner with laikuan who came all the way from kajang to dine with the twins and myself =) we played pictionary a few times this week at home. hehehe.

i hope the teens comes back tomorrow. please pray with me.

that's all for now, i'd better get back to work. =)

Labels: college, just an update, my food adventures